Hello Lovely People!
Today is a pretty special day for me – it’s the 10 year anniversary of my surgery! On this day one decade ago I was at Victoria Hospital getting a stage IV malignant tumor removed from my throat, along with my thyroid and voice box. Apparently, after the 10 year mark it’s unlikely that the cancer will return, so it looks like I’m in the clear! 🙂
I find myself filled with mixed emotions on this day. Happiness and gratitude to still be alive and not just well, but flourishing. But also feel some sadness for having lost such an intimate part of me – my voice; it’s a strange feeling knowing that a part of you, part of what makes you who you are, is missing. I feel hope as well, for my future and the possibility of achieving my dreams, and for having the opportunity to help others to learn how to grow and thrive.
I believe it’s no mistake that I survived. I think that certain things happen for a reason, just as certain people come into our lives for a reason. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my experiences over the last 10 years. Contemplating what I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown. I can say with surety that I am proud of who I am today.
This evening I’ll be celebrating dinner with my family, as we always do on this day. However, in celebration of this milestone I would also like to share with you 10 things that I’ve learned in my 10 years since my whole world changed:
1) While anger can be useful to help you get through certain experiences, it does no good to hold on to it longer than is necessary. Holding on to anger is like consuming poison that, day by day, will drain your energy, happiness, and life. For many years I allowed anger to consume me. Learning when and how to leave anger in the past, to let go, and move forward is a key step towards actualizing one’s potential and flourishing.
2) Happiness comes more easily when you focus not on the things that are out of your control and that which you don’t have, but rather on those things over which you do have control, such as your attitude. There are many things that will inevitably happen in life which are out of our control. However, we always have the ability to decide how we choose to react to our given circumstances, and the extent to which we allow them affect us. Remember, as said by psychologist Carl Jung – “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”
3) As the years go by and I get older, I’ve come to realize and appreciate that the most important things in life are not material, but rather experiences and memories made. Relationships with others, opportunities to learn and grow, adventures, helping others – including those those who can never repay you – is what makes life worth living. Being grateful for each day we have, as we never know when it will be our last.
4) I used to be so insecure and hate the things about me that made me different from others – namely, my whisper voice. But now that I’m older (and arguably wiser hah) I’ve grown to appreciate those things that make me unique; to embrace them. Now for me personally, I can think of little worse than to spend my one life being perfectly ordinary and unexceptional. This is not to say that I don’t still experience insecurity, as we all do. However, as I discussed in this post on insecurity and personal growth, the key is learning how to challenge ones insecurities when they arise, so that you may overcome them, grow, and thrive.
5) Our experience in this world is greatly a matter of perspective. For the longest time all I wanted was to be “normal”, but what is normal? It’s so subjective. What’s normal for some may be bizarre for others. My point here is that learning to live with an open mind and an open heart, and to consider a multitude of perspectives, fosters personal acceptance and growth. “Normal” is a fallacy we create to feel comfortable, but it doesn’t really exist as it’s entirely dependent on our perception and perspective of things, events, people, etc.
6) In these 10 years I’ve realized that, with respect to dating and love, I needed to learn to love myself first, and to be content with being on my own, rather than looking for someone to love me. I’ve come to appreciate that I need not wait to meet the “right” person to start living my dreams. Sure, this may seems obvious but learning how to embrace and practice self-love and acceptance was one of the greatest, and most rewarding, challenges I’ve overcome. Learning how to accept and love oneself is paramount to personal growth and happiness.
7) As I’ve discussed in a previous post on the Value of Vulnerability, I’ve learned that not only is it okay, but also necessary, to be vulnerable. Embracing vulnerability helps one to be more open to others and to life. Many of us have been conditioned to perceive vulnerability as a weakness, but is it really? I think not. In fact, I’ve come to appreciate that having the capacity to accept and embrace ones vulnerability is instead a strength. It was only through allowing myself to be vulnerable and embracing it, that I was able to let go of my anger, move forward with my life, and cultivate happiness.
8) One of the most exhausting and toughest lessons I’ve had to learn is that depression is not a black hole from which there is no escape, though I appreciate that it can sometimes feel this way. As I discussed in my post on my personal journey with depression, it CAN be over come. However, this requires that you truly want to heal; recovery and healing are a choice. You must both want it and be open to it. It was not until I decided to take accountability for my circumstances and an active role in healing myself that my life began to change positively. No one could make me do that, except for me. The same is true for each of us.
9) Life gets busy, and it’s easy to push relationships with loved ones to the back burner, because we tend to (falsely) assume that they will always be there. My close call with death and the struggles I endured afterwards have taught me that life is indeed short, and the relationships we have with those we care about are essential; we should strive to appreciate and nurture them, as we never know when that person could disappear from our lives. Make time for loved ones, whoever they may be, while you can – family, friends, significant others, pets, yourself – as you never know when their (or your own) time will expire.
10) Our time here in life is finite – it will not last forever. Having come close to death, I no longer fear it. What I fear most instead is failing to live while I have the opportunity to do so. By stepping outside of my comfort zone, I’ve grown tremendously, and I encourage you to do the same. Travel, explore, try new things, meet new people! Be vulnerable, uncomfortable even, because this is how you learn and grow. Challenge yourself constantly, even (and especially) if it’s something the scares you! I’ve never lived far from home, but in June I’ll be moving to Vancouver Island in BC, and let me tell ya – I’m nervous as all get out about it! haha. But I feel this is the next step in my journey and I’m excited to see what the future has in store for me 🙂
Well, here are 10 of the most important lessons that I’ve learned in the past decade. I hope you’ll find some meaning in these, perhaps some inspiration, or hope. Please, do not allow life to pass you by. Embrace it, live it, and savour every last precious moment you have!
Wishing you health, happiness, and love!